


insomnia

by inkwellhell (georgewashingmachine)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, also that one time when lance DIED and it was never talked about again, bein galra isnt fun, broganes, keith has an existential crisis, takes place sometime after s7, that sacrifice from like s4, y'all know what im talking ab right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-04 22:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16798285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgewashingmachine/pseuds/inkwellhell
Summary: keith and lance have a much needed discussion (aka a midnight therapy session)content warning: suicidal thoughts





	insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> i rewrote this so many times u don't even know
> 
> been in kind of a writing rut recently so i'm trying to create again! klance is my muse, apparently. and also my love for keith so of course its keith-centric
> 
> sorry if the one spanish phrase is shit
> 
> thanks to sarah (@wrunic) for her support uwu
> 
> also!! another warning just in case!! this fic has got some references to suicide n suicidal thoughts so please don't read if that makes u uncomfy!

Keith, as always, is awake. He’s sitting up in bed, blankets undisturbed as if he hadn’t even bothered to try and sleep. It had to be, what, one in the morning? He didn’t care to check the clock. He wouldn’t sleep that night, so what did it matter?

Insomnia was common for him, lately. The team had noticed, of course; they always did. They ask, he brushes it off. He knows that the others know that he’s not okay, knows how worried they all are, but they let him have his space. Still, he’s always reminded: he might be the leader, but it was okay to ask for help.

It was normal behavior for him. Keith had always been particularly closed off. But that was before he’d been a paladin – he’d grown since then. Something had to be bothering him pretty badly, if he was acting like this.

And something was. 

Keith, too caught up in his own thoughts, doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching his room. The door slides open, and Keith looks up in surprise to see Lance standing in the doorway, the dimmed hallway of the _Atlas_ behind him.

“Hi,” Keith doesn’t question why Lance is up so late. He already knows what the reply would be.

“Really? _Hi_?” Lance asks, walking in and taking a seat next to him.

“What did you want me to say? _Oh, thanks for finally checking up on me after not being able to sleep for the past week and being a bitch about it?”_ Keith’s voice is snappy, annoyed. Lance can’t tell if he means it or if he’s just tired.

There’s a laugh in reply. “Honestly? I would have liked that better.” Lance feels the gaze on him, silently asking why he’s here. “I was thinking about you.” 

Keith is silent, but Lance can see the gears turning in his head, processing the words.

The silence drags on, growing inept and awkward. Lance shifts uncomfortably. He’s about to speak up, but Keith beats him to it.

“Why not earlier?”

Lance stares blankly for a moment before he realizes what the other is referring to: why hadn’t he approached earlier, why hadn’t he talked to Keith when the problem first arose instead of seven long days after it had.

Lance sighs, looking away. “I don’t know. I guess I thought it would…pass. But obviously it didn’t. So now…so now I’m here.” 

They’re both thinking of something to say in the small lapse in conversation, flirting around the question that needs to be asked, buying for time. There isn’t much to talk about, really—they both knew small talk would get boring eventually. Lance somehow works up the courage to spit out the words that have been hanging in his mind for the past week, boiling in the brain soup of his over-analyzed thoughts.

“Are you okay?”

Keith stares at him.

“Okay, okay, dumb question. Sorry. What’s…uh, what’s bothering you, then?”

Well, there’s no avoiding it now.

“There’s just…a lot on my mind.” Keith admits, rubbing tired eyes with his hands. His gloves lay on the floor, discarded.

“Like…?” Lance asks, fishing for more detail.

“You. Pidge. Hunk.” Keith pauses, and voice shaky. “Shiro.”

Lance is silent, now – he can see Keith’s eyes watering, how he ducks his head in an attempt to hide his approaching tears. He hesitantly slides a hand over Keith’s back, rubbing gently. Keith doesn’t push him away, surprisingly. 

“You’re all going to die, eventually. You’re not like me, or Allura. You’re human. The Princess can’t keep reviving Shiro, or everyone else, forever.”

The words bring Lance back, to when he had _died_ and Allura saved his life and how he’d never told anyone about it, ever. Now feels like an appropriate time to bring it up – he doesn’t get the chance to, however, because Keith keeps talking. 

“Yeah, I’ll have Allura and Coran and Romelle and my mom and the Blade and Acxa, but I won’t have you. I won’t have Pidge, I won’t have Hunk, I won’t have _Shiro_. Allura and I are gonna be the last paladins alive. And even then, maybe she’ll be gone, too. I don’t know. I—I can’t lose Shiro, not again. I can’t lose _you_.”

Lance doesn’t know if the _you_ is in general or if it’s supposed to mean him, but he goes with his instinct anyway.

“You’ve already lost me.”

Keith looks up, staring at the other, eyebrows furrowed, his dilemma momentarily forgotten. “What?”

“Remember when we were fixing those plate things? I…I kinda died for a minute there, but Allura found me and brought me back to life. I’ve, uh…I’ve never said anything about it until now.”

He says it so _casually_ , it breaks Keith’s heart to hear.

“Why didn’t you tell us? You fucking _died_ and you didn’t think to mention it to _anyone_?”

Lance frowns, offended. “Despite what you may think, it’s not that easy to bring up in conversation.”

“You couldn’t have made it out of that, you know.” The other’s voice is snappy, annoyed, raised just slightly. Lance winces, almost scared to reply.

“But I did make it out. I’m telling you now. Telling someone is better than telling no one, right?”

“And what are you going to do when Allura isn’t there to save your ass?”

“ _Jesu Christo_ , Keith—" Lance stops himself, knowing better than to berate him. It felt like he was talking to the old Keith, back when they had first formed Voltron, back when he was still piloting the Red Lion. Lance has a strong suspicion that it’s because Shiro’s back and Keith is worried about him dying or something, reverting back to his old state of thinking because he looks up to the other so much, wants to be led rather than be the leader. Yes, he was also scared for the team, but Lance knew Shiro and Keith were particularly close, and losing him once had already done its toll. “I…I don’t know. I’ll save myself, or something. I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

Honestly, Keith doesn’t quite know what he wants Lance to say, either. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying now.  
  
“Sorry.” He mutters, gaze dropping to the floor, the conversation fading. Lance gives him a moment before returning to the earlier topic.

“So, you were saying…you were scared of us dying?” He asks gently, watching Keith process the question.

“You guys are human. It’s only a matter of time before you can’t be fighting the Galra every day, if it doesn’t kill you before then. Galrans, Alteans…we live way longer than you do. I’m going to have to watch you all die.” He pauses, dark and clouded thoughts swimming through his head. He doesn’t voice them. He knows better than that.

Still, ever since his ~~suicide~~ sacrifice attempt, he’s wanted to talk about it. He’s never getting another opportunity like this. He’s going to get near immediate backlash, he knows that, but he says it anyway.

“Sometimes I wish that my sacrifice attempt had worked. That way I wouldn’t have to live through seeing you guys die.” 

Immediately, warning sirens go off in Lance’s head, jumping in front of Keith and firmly planting his hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eye. “Dude, don’t say stuff like that, okay?” He sighs, watching as Keith folded his arms across his chest defensively. “Look, I’m not going to give you a big speech, because that’s not what you need right now. I’m just letting you know…I know what it’s like to think that way. We’re all here for you, okay? Nobody’s dying. Especially not you.” 

There’s a beat of silence, and for a long, quiet moment, Lance is worried he fucked up, and is 100% ready to up and leave the room like this conversation never happened. But Keith leans into him, resting his head on Lance’s shoulder.

“Thanks.” He says simply, planting a little kiss on Lance’s cheek before standing, a hint of a smirk playing on the edges of his lips.

Lance, stunned, takes a moment to register the move before jumping up, gasping at Keith. “You…You just—HEY!”

Keith, smirk now much more prominent, takes him by the arm and drags him to the door. 

“Now get some sleep. Goodnight.”

“Wait, no, you can’t leave me like this! KEITH—"

The door shuts in his face, a metallic _clang_ alerting any nearby light sleepers of the two’s midnight therapy session. Keith hears Lance laugh as he returns to his own room, picturing the smile on his face like Lance was right there in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> contact me on ig (@inkwellhell) or tungle (casey-brinkes) if u want
> 
> hope u enjoyed!! uwu
> 
> leave a nice comment if u want,,, the feedback goblin must be fed


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